Tommy Morrison Through The Looking Glass in Never-Never Land

Dear Tommy,

Is it Tommy Morrison or Tommy Gunn, or have the personages become fused now? I can never keep the story straight about Tommy David Morrison, born January 2, 1969.

Young Tom

Young Tom

Neither can Wikipedia:

This article has multiple issues. Please help improve it or discuss these issues on the talk page.

Vs Big George

Vs Big George

Anyway, most boxing fans appreciate the heavyweight boxing career of the Tommy The Duke Morrison even if we never quite got the claimed lineage to John Wayne anymore than we did the claim of being Scottish American and half Indian. I guess being from Arkansas, Tommy Morrison can claim just about any and every genealogical link possible.

(Insert: He’s his own grandpa joke here.)

Naw, man, anymore than we can keep it straight whether Tommy Morrison ever tested positive or not for HIV. Man, life is a bitch living in the “testing era” where folks undergo millions of routine drug and HIV screening tests every year that have life and death career consequences once a positive sample turns up.

Funny that we almost never find out the public results of the screenings of Leaders of State and Corporate Bigwiggies, but then everyone knows their stuff don’t stink and have no need to abide by the regulations they hand down to us.

So we have to laugh in between crying as we jump through the regulatory hoops for the right to earn our daily bread.

Well, we the people have some wise words handed down to us through the ages to assist us in dealing with the ever present powers that rule over us. “When in Rome, do as Romans do” sounds like sage advice. When Cesar comes callin’, then give unto Cesar that is due him as Jesus counseled in earlier days.  

What is Morrison gonna do when they come for the post fight drug test, tell them that his admitted steroid use is all in the past and no longer relevant?

If he’s truly interested in fighting sans a certified HIV negative test result, there’s always an odd Indian casino to be found, or head on back down to Mexico again, or better yet, Columbia or Ecuador if lax standards of oversight floats his boat.

Why he suddenly got a hankering to fight in Montreal, claiming he was licensed in Canada which he is not, might be a mystery better told on Dr. Freud’s leather couch rather than wage a shoddily constructed battle against Canada regulations.

Ol' Tom

Ol' Tom

Or get a league of likely sponsors like the flat earthers allying with the moon landing and global warming deniers to sponsor him on the unlicensed circuit along side the dog & cock fights in the backwaters. No shortage of “fighters” loving the opportunity to notch the scalp of a 42 yr old Tommy Morrison operating at 20% of his prime level.

Or, as per Tommy: “We’ll take the dog and pony show somewhere else.”

DO IT!

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