A Time To Laugh~Deontay Wilder vs Andrzej Wawrzyk

WBC heavyweight beltholder Deontay Wilder, 37-0, 36 KO, defends his ever diminishing reputation this February 25th at the “tarnished” Legacy Arena, Birmingham, Alabama against Polish fringe contender, boxrec ranking #29, Andrzej Wawrzyk, 33-1, 19 KO…errr…oops…Seems Wawrzyk had a minor “slip up” and, ahem, was replaced by former football player and Sugar Daddy Al Haymon playmate, that other G. Washington from President’s day, Gerald Washington, 18-0-1, 12 KO.

Wilder vs Washington

Wilder vs Washington

OK, I need go easy on boy wonder Wilder. This is his first fight since breaking his hand and tearing up his bicep on Chris Arreola‘s thick noggin in his last fight, so so of course he has to keep his big boy training pants on yet again lest he have a nasty accident. Still, it’s inevitable with the same reoccuring injuries that he ain’t long for this game the first time he fights someone with a pulse and legit ranking.

For now, he’s Alabama’s best heavyweight secret so shush yo mouth lest the word slip out.

Washington for his part has won 3 his last 4 against nominal fringe contenders and ancient former contenders, yet with only one KO to show along with a draw, suggesting he is far from becoming a bonafide contender. Such faint progress, unranked by Ring and 20th ranked by Boxrec, is the modern state of American heavyweight boxing that of course makes him perfect for the apparently permanently developing Wilder.

In a strange twist of modern American culture, Washington, whose parental heritage is reported as half black and half Mexican, is known as “El Gallo Negro” which sorta translates to “The Black Cock” as a sort of double entendre, wink, wink. If he wins, he will be the first Mexican American heavyweight champ for those who keep racial counts, and yes, that would be Arreola moaning in the background wishing he’d never had quit his Wilder fight had he known how busted up he really was.

For his part, Wilder will forever be known as the dummy turning down a small fortune last year to fight Alexander Povetkin, instead preferring to fight Arreola for peanuts dug up in his native Alabammy mud flats, so here we go with goobers again, and who to thank? How about another big thanks to his other enabling Sugar Daddy, WBC El Presidente para toda la vida, Mauricio Sulaimán, who keeps him bundled in swaddling infant wrappings well protected from the mean world of heavyweight contenders.

But, wait, wait, maybe his brain trust is smarter than advertised. Just days before this fight, team Wilder won the civil suit for damages against #1 contender Povetkin and his promoter, Andrey Ryabinsky after their May 21st 2016 fight in Moscow was canceled when Wilder suddenly balked at traveling to Moscow. The reason given was laughable, a billionth of a gram of Melonium. A Manhattan federal court of jurors ruled for Wilder in this highly complex case involving a trace billionth of a gram contamination of 5 mandatory VADA drug tests of  Povetkin. The jurors used their “new math” skills taught in public schools these days to make it an open and shut case in a record 30 something minutes that divided by a billionth yields 0.0000018 seconds or 0.00000003 minutes for a perspective of what a billionth represents.

Andrey Ryabinsky had already filed a $34.5 million counter lawsuit filed against Deontay Wilder and his team that has yet to go to court. The lawsuit filed for Wilder is in at least one major factual error by claiming Ryabinsky failed to deliver Povetkin for their scheduled May 21 Moscow fight, when point in fact it was Wilder who killed the fight by never delivering himself to Moscow because of a specious VADA drug result that VADA admitted was well below the threshold of what would be a failed test result . The cool thing about VADA drug testing for boxers is BALCO Vic Conte being a key architect of the VADA organization. He can guarantee his majic elixirs pass VADA drug screens just like in his heyday at BALCO. In short, his PEDs don’t stink up the test, another nice scam he has going thanks to boxing’s overlords.

We have to at least acknowledge one good thing about Wilder that separates him from his American peers, he comes to fight in the ring no matter how stupidly and awkward, so this should be competitive at a clubfighter level, yet amazingly only for 1/5th of the major heavyweight world titles. So, doing my “old school math, 1/5 of Deontay’s 226 lbs in his last fight is 45.2 lbs, the pissweight of the heavyweight titles. A Billionth of Deontay is 0.000000226 lbs, or 0.0000036 ounces, or 0.000103 grams, meaning we will have to watch this fight under an Electron Microscope to see it…only in boxing folks. 

Wilder vs Washington

Wilder vs Washington

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