Tag Archives: Chisora

The Men of Luxembourg Say Oui to Haye vs Chisora

The men of the Luxembourg Boxing Federation have said “Non” to the imperious British Board of Boxing Control (BBB of C) and the European Union by saying “Oui” to the sanctioning of the all British rematch of the brawl between Mr. David “Pinky ToeHaye and his fellow outlaw boxer, Mr. Derek Chisora.

The tiny Luxembourg commission only has a few sanctioned fights to show for their existence thus far, yet were threatened with strippage of their office by the European Bully Boys aligned with the raging BBB of C who rule like Kings of Yore over British boxing.

The BBB of C have further threatened permanent suspensions for any the fighters and promoters of the event, scheduled for July 14 at Upton Park London, the hometown of the BBB of C if further insult is needed to further tweak injury.

HOF legend Frank Warren may be near the end of his career, but seems to have found renewed vigor with this battle in and out of the ring. The bully boys first refused to sanction the fight after the rather unseemly videotaped brawl by Haye and Chisora in Germany brought British boxing into “disrepute.”

But what about the fighters you ask?

Separated at birth and press conferences!

Separated at birth and press conferences!

Well, to be generous, both have some excellent talents and abilities, but to be quite frank about it, all the talent and fighting ability in the world counts for little when their mentality is more attuned to a thug’s cartoon character.

Mr. Pinky Toe is attempting what no fighter has ever attempted in the history of boxing, coming off a morbidly injured pinky toe that was blamed on his loss against Wlad Klitschko, a rather comical rendition of a British prizefighter, looking like a drunken sailor on shore leave whilst upright when not crawling around on his hands and knees looking like a tipsy flophouse floozie. It was a baker’s dozen times that Mr. Haye hit the canvas during the fight after Wlad took his legs away early in the bout with a big flurry on the ropes as the bell sounded.

The controversy over the extent of injury to the aggrieved pinky toe still rages with some MRI experts claiming poor pinky had a broken back. Others saw a ruptured bowel while others claim the appendage suffered mental injuries leading to a loss of self esteem, but to be fair, pinky toes have been poorly studied, so critical functions, organs and skeletal structure are just too tiny to detect serious injury with any accuracy.

Still, what a brave, unprecedented comeback this would be for Mr. Pinky Toe.

Now Mr. Chisora had a fine 14-0, 9 KO record going for him while holding the storied British Commonwealth belt, but, alas, he showed up hog fat in his defense against Tyson Fury who easily dismissed him as if he were no more than a tubby school boy. Then Chisora showed up double dumb against fellow heavyweight contender Robert Helenius in Finland by headbutting and then clowning around at critical points in the fight when he should have been winging punches against the injured Helenius who pulled out the decision. Somewhere he didn’t get the email explaining he was being paid as a professional boxer, not a professional clown.

Chisora somehow managed to compound that error of judgement by showing up triple thick, ruining a credible performance against WBC champ Vitali Klitschko who also injured his shoulder and needed an operation like Helenius. The net result his implosion left him short of victories, the Giants of Boxing 3 to Mr. Chisora’s zer0.

How did Chisora ruin his performance you ask?

He slapped Vitali during the obligatory face off, a stupid sucker shot, then spit at Wlad Klitschko who is part of Vitali’s team during the ring introductions for starters. Then, instead of basking in well deserved accolades for a gritty fight, he flew off the podium during the post fight presser to attack the taunting Mr. Pinky Toe, The Brawl I as it were, leading to his current BBB of C suspension. Look up apt descriptors and you’ll find “Seizing defeat from the jaws of victory” with Mr. Chisora’s boxing pose.

Look up “Hoist upon his own petard” and you will find Mr. Pinky Toe’s posing in stripped suggestive poses for various of the British glossy mags. He promised to clean out the heavyweight division, yet has only been able to sweep up a few tyny dust bunnies in far away corners.

No guarantees that the Men of Luxembourg will have enough power to pull off this event. Boxrec hasn’t even put it on their schedule even as their British boxing media arm has been updating the latest details.

British interest is spiking with the gate reported as approaching 30,000. Suffice to say with the multitudes of metrosexed dandies mixing in with the throngs of thuggish tuffs, this event may well be better known for the rabbit punches, low blows, and blindsided sucker punches both in and out of the ring than any adherence to the Marquis of Queensbury rules.

Could be a riot going on in the home of the 2012 Queen’s Diamond Jubilee and Summer Olympics!

The Robert Helenius Finnish Homecoming Vs Dereck Chisora

A rare title fight takes place December 3rd in Hartwall Arena, Helsinki, Finland when new WBA titlest Alexander Povetkin puts boxing’s softest title on the line against 42 year old Cedric Boswell.

It goes without saying the little known Boswell was brought in to lose, so he best bring his big punch because he is not likely to outwork the busy Povetkin who at least has a work ethic going for him.

The Finnish Finish

The Finnish Finish

The serious heavyweight action takes place when the Finnish Nordic Nightmare Robert Helenius has a homecoming against Dereck Chisora who recently was well lumped by young heavyweight phenom Tyson Fury.

Helenius has been on a tear everytime he steps up in class, but to be fair, Chisora lacks the credentials of previous champs Helenius has knocked out. Chisora is a young, strong, tough fighter who was on a rampage in Britain until Fury derailed him and did briefly hold the British Commonwealth title. He also broke into the Boxrec top 10, so in his comeback he could prove to be a tougher fighter this time around.

Del Boy in his pomp

Del Boy in his pomp

Both Helenius and Chisora are the same age, 27, with the same number of fights, 16, and near the same rounds, 81 for Chisora to Helenius 79, so they are evenly matched in raw numbers with the Helenius record at 16-0, 11 KO edging out Chisora at 15-1, 9 KO.

This vacant EBU title challenge could be quite entertaining since both are big, strong, prime heavies who come to fight with some big punches, but only if Chisora can step up his game from his Fury effort. He was doughy looking and overweight, sometimes a by product of fighters looking for extra mass when they go against giants such as Fury or Vitali Klitschko. More to the point, he was clumsy without a gameplan other than landing the big punch.

Helenius is on an undefeated upswing and should be the big favorite with the oddsmakers. Chisora has seen his star plummet after the Fury loss, but therein lays his hope. Sometimes a fighter in his big homecoming against fighters they are supposed to beat can get caught up in all the hoopla of “The Magnificance of Me” and lose their focus by the time of the first the bell.

The Chisora style is that of a straight ahead puncher, and in boxing, one good punch could mean a huge payday in his next fight, so this is his puncher’s chance. Helenius can be a slow starter as he dials in his timing and punch placement, but for a big man he has shown some bruising, eyecatching combinations when he gets going for impressive stoppages.

Is this copromotion a preview with the winner getting a crack at the WBA “regular” title currently held by Povetkin? That would likely be Helenius who is signed to the same promoter, Sauerland Events.