Tag Archives: Life after death

Krusher Kovalev vs Andre The Ward of Oakland In Vegas?

Heresy I say! The boxing suits finally managed to drag out Andre Ward from his underground manger in Oakland out into the bright lights of the worst nightmare of his dreams, Sergey Kovalev @ the T-Mobile Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada, Saturday, November 19th in the aftermath of the post US presidential election apocalypse…And?

It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop as the weeks ticked forward. Son of Who? could have bung his knee, dislocated his shoulder, or even suffered a papercut or broken nail at the last minute, but since here is likely more money than he’ll ever see again, and it’s not really that much compared to the bigger boxing draws, his new beleaguered promoter, Roc Nation, finally bucked him up the best they could to send into the trenches.

“Man, how come you so down on Ward?”

Quick answer is, though he mouths off the usual pasty platitudes of respecting boxing and his opponents, in his last fight against Alexander Brand, SOW? took home $850,000 to Brand’s emaciated $30,000, so how is taking on the lowest, most pitiable bidder on the rung willing to fight him for next to nothing respecting the sport? He took 97% of the total purse, tossing the impoverished 3rd world citizen Brand 3% of the gristle, absolutely beyond the pale of common decency. He, boxing officials, establishment media, and his fans have proven to be utterly shameless in his orchestrated promotion to the top, so let’s move on to how this alleged “fight” goes in theory.

In my best loony Uncle Teddy voice shouting out abject TERROR on the air:

Ward is the impala on the savanna and Kovalev the leopard stalking in the grass. The impala knows he makes a good lunch for the leopard, so he has to keep moving and looking sharp. THERE’S A LEOPARD IN THERE HIDING OUT WAITING TO POUNCE ON HIM AND MAYBE LIONS TOO. So, how can the impala figure to get out of this stretch of savanna alive?

“Easy answer is he employs the smartypants loony Uncle Teddy plan.”

The impala needs to keep irregular lateral movements to keep the leopard from setting up to time him, maybe mesmerize him with a feinting shake of his heinie a time or two until he can sprint for more open ground. Sure, Mr. Impala’s got those scary horns that could do terrible damage and all that, but the leopard is smart enough to know not to jump into a dangerous frontal attack. Ultimately the impala has no chance against a leopard, so he has to do what impalas do best if they wanna survive. Don’t slug against a slugger and don’t box against a boxer, and don’t ever fight against a leopard! You run like your smartypants are on FIRE ’til you’re a FIREMAN, and then you run so fast that the fire is extinguished and the leopard becomes but a spot on the horizon before pulling up. Mission Accomplished.

No problems until you get matched against a cheetah, but not now. Better to delay that confrontation for a year or two as you pad out your time against journeyman leopards who don’t know no better, but in the here and now, this Kovalev is a different kind of spotted leopard who knows better than the rest of those bum leopards, so best to move on to Plan C which is pray like a crazy loon and hope the judges and ref bail you out like in your other hometown fights.”

Kovalev vs Ward

Kovalev vs Ward

In a more serious vein, this video might explain the reluctance of top light heavies, Adonis Stevenson and Ward to fight Kovalev. I know he has a family to think of, but if he’s so concerned about his life these past 5 years to effectively grind his career to a halt, he’s in the wrong business. Perhaps his master plan is to pad out his growing Imelda Marcos shoe collection hobby into a business, you know, creating a Son of Who? Museum where folks would travel from all over the world to see his personal collection of shoes. Needs some extra income for those upgrades, hence Kovalev.

Life After Death a video on the tragic Sergey Kovalev vs Roman Simakov bout, and BTW, Kovalev is reported to have donated his entire purse of his last fight in Russia against Isaac Chilemba to the Simakov family, not just a measly 3%:

So why do I think the first time poor Son of Who? gets hit clean, he’ll be wanting to take a little nappy with his shoe collection. How’s this:

Is Ward the last great African-American boxer?

“Boxing’s decline in the United States contrasts with its growth in Eastern Europe and elsewhere, writes Sunni Khalid.”

Folks, I don’t make this stuff up. Truth is Stranger Than Fiction Every Day…The End is Nearing…We’ve seen this house domestic American Ward in his home environs too many times spoil, run, butt, swinging elbows, hit on the break, low blow, and otherwise pull out all his illicit stinker tricks with no intervention by his personal referee whenever faced with a superior opponent, so this could never be a great fight unless the internationally tested Russian Kovalev knocks him out. There’s always the over and under wagers, so plan your stinker crap shoot accordingly.